Last July I transferred within my organization and, as a result, was relocated to another piece of real estate on the 8th floor. I soon realized that my new cube neighbor either had a severe case of asthma or some other issue that tested the limits of each of her lungs.
The first time I heard it I thought she might have been having a serious medical emergency, you know like something along the lines of congestive heart failure but in between the full bodied breaths I could hear a frequent crunching of chips, cookies, crackers and/or very stale pizza. I ruled out heart failure and considered the root of the dyspnea to be that of food induced orgasm as it really lasted no more than 10-15 minutes. The next day however the breathing repeated itself despite the lack of any noticeable consumption of food.
The first few weeks of transferring I really put some time in trying to figure out why the ebb and flow of her inhale/exhale would occur between 8:30 and 8:45 every morning. I looked for scented candles. I searched for burning incense. I even rummaged through her desk drawers hoping to find a vat of perfumed hand lotion. Success in finding anything eluded me. Until...
I was riding the elevator one morning, mentally categorizing what clues I might have overlooked in my current futile search for answers when I overheard a conversation about the local filming of some small-scale serial killer movie and a casting call for various roles. Eureka! It could not have been more clear to me if the hand of God had come down and smacked my forehead. She was going for the lead and was merely feverishly practicing for an audition for a part in the next installment of Friday the 13th or Halloween or some other shallow budget film of the sort. She was
I don't know when the auditions will be held but from what I've been hearing every morning for the last eight months, well, let's just say I can't wait for the premiere.